Jan 24, 2018

D R O W N I N G

I have a trip this coming month. I'm going to South Korea and i'm gonna be staying there for 14 days. I have long dreamed of going to Korea to eat authentic Korean cuisines, visit temples and people watch. I was supposed to go with my friends last year but i had to decline because i wasn't financially and emotionally ready. I didn't want to be a burden to m friends no matter how supportive they are. 

so, finally--!!finally!! i'll be able to achieve one of my dreams.
I got my visa ready.
I got enough funds to survive the whole trip.
I'm almost done with my itinerary...

...so why do i feel like i want to drown?
why do i feel so inconsolably sad ?

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the supposed happiest weeks of my year have brought nothing but guilt because there's not an ounce of rainbows and sunshine in my heart. I feel like my heart is breaking over and over again and I just want this pain to end. Funny thing is, I AM NOT IN LOVE. I'm not in this unrequited love shit nor have I been hurt by a boy before. Where is this pain coming from?Who hurt me? I want this to stop. please just make it stop. take it away or glue it, i don't care. I just don't want to hurt anymore.